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Subject: COOL JOKES/GRAPKAS ('',)
Replies: 393 Views: 31998
oubaas 13.05.09 - 11:43am
Nice one! *
oubaas 20.05.09 - 07:02pm
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oubaas 9.06.09 - 01:52pm
'n Agtjarige seuntjie word ondersoek deur die kinderarts. Die dokter klop teen sy bors en vra: Kan jy daai geluid hoor? Dis die geluid wat jou longe maak. Weet jy wat is in jou longe? Lug se die seuntjie. Die dokter vra weer: Hoor jy daardie klop geluid? Dit is jou hart. Waarmee is jou hart gevul? Sonder om te huiwer se die seuntjie: Liefde. *
oubaas 9.06.09 - 01:52pm
Tannie vra 'n klein seuntjie vir 'n mooi jong meisie op die strand, gaan Tannie elke Sondag kerk toe? Ja! se die meise verbaas. Is Tannie 'n Christen vra hy weer, sy knik bevestigend. Bid Tannie elke aand? weer 'n knik. Sal Tannie asseblief my beursie vashou solank ek gaan swem? *
oubaas 9.06.09 - 01:53pm
'n Nuwe predikant kom in die gemeente en een Saterdag doen hy huisbesoek. Alles het goed gegaan totdat hy by een huis kom. Dit was duidelik dat iemand tuis is, maar niemand het na die deur gekom nie. Nadat die predikant 'n paar maal geklop het, haal hy 'n kaartjie uit sy sak, skryf agterop Openbaring 3:20, en skuif dit onder die deur in.
Die volgende Sondag, toe hy die offergawes tel, toe kry hy dieselfde kaartjie in die kollektebordjie. Daar staan toe geskrywe Genesis 3:10. Hy neem toe sy bybel en nadat hy gelees het, het sy gesig rooi geword en hy het hard gelag.
Openbaring 3;20 lees; Luister, Ek staan voor die deur en ek klop. As iemand hoor dat Ek hom roep en die deur oopmaak, sal Ek inkom en saam met hom eet en hy sal ook saam met my eet. Genesis 3;10 lees; Ek het gehoor U is in die tuin en ek het bang geword want ek was naak'. *
oubaas 14.07.09 - 07:14pm
There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses.
One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no actual address. He thought he should open it to see what it was about.
The letter read:
Dear God,
I am an 83 year old widow, living on a very small pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had R800 in it, which was all the money I had until my next pension payment. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with, have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope.
Can you please help me?
Sincerely,
Edna
The postal worker was touched. He showed the letter to all the other workers. Each one dug into his or her wallet and came up with a few bucks. He collected R796, which they put into an envelope and sent to the woman. The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of what they did for Edna.
A few days later, another letter came from the same old lady to God. All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened.
It read:
Dear God,
How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me? By the way, there was R4 missing. I think it might have been those 's at the post office.
Sincerely,
Edna
*
oubaas 13.10.09 - 09:28am
Gatiep sit gesuip langs Meraai se graf en huil. Lekker dronkverdrietig: 'Meraai, as djy net terugkom sal ek ophou drink!' 'n Mol is besig om 'n hopie op te stoot. Gatiep spring die hopie plat: 'Meraai, kan djy nie 'n grap vattie!? *
oubaas 13.10.09 - 09:31am
Gauteng Metro policeman pulled Sipho's car over and told him that because he had been wearing his seat belt he had just won R5 000, in an Arive Alive safety competition. Sipho could hardly believe his luck. 'What are you going to do with your cash?' asked the traffic cop. 'Well I guess I'm going to get a drivers license,' Sipho answered. 'Oh, don't listen to him,' yelled Dipuo in the passenger seat.'He tries to be smart when he's drunk.' This woke up Ndlovu in the back seat who took one look at the cop and moaned, 'I knew we wouldn't get far in a stolen car.' At that moment there was a knock from the boot and Zakeles' voice said,'Are we over the border yet?' The cop said .... Let's share the R5000! *
oubaas 16.10.09 - 08:43am
The office phone rings, one of the employees picks up and says: What kind of an idiot is it that dares to phone me in the middle of my lunch break?!? The caller shouts back: Do you have any idea whom you are talking to...? I am the CEO of this company! The employee replies: Do you have any idea whom YOU are talking to? Perplexed the CEO mumbles: NO!!! The employee heaves a sigh of relieve and say: Thank goodness for that!! and hangs up. *
oubaas 20.10.09 - 07:57pm
Every morning when the English teacher came 2 the Afrikaans students 2 Give them an English lecture she greeted them as follows; Good morning class! & every time only 1 boy would get up out of the whole class 2 greet the teacher in return. This happened time & again until she decided 2 call him up 2 her desk & ask him loud enough 4 everyone 2 hear: Why is it that every time I greet the whole class, only u stand up 2 greet me? He replied 2 the teacher in English : It r 'cause I r the only person here what's name r Klaas! *
oubaas 4.11.09 - 04:03pm
LOGIC ~Two Rednecks,Jim & Bop,are sitting at their favourite bar,drinking Beer. Jim turns to Bob and says,You know,I'm tired of going through life without an education. Tomorrow I think I'll go 2 the community college & Sign up for some classes. Bob agrees that its a good idea.The next day, Jim goes down 2 the college & meets the Dean of Admissions, who signs him up for 4 basic classes. Math, English, History & Logic. Logic?Jim asks,what's that?The dean says, I'll show you. Do you own a lawnmower? Yeah.Then logically speaking because u own a lawnmower, I Think that u would have a yard. That's true,I do have a yard.I'm not done,the dean says.Because u have a yard,I think logically that you would have a house.Yes,I do have a house! And because u have a house,I think that u might logically have a family.I have a family.I'm not done yet.Because u have a family,then logically u must have a wife.Yes,I do have a wife. ~continue~ *
oubaas 4.11.09 - 05:49pm
LOGIC ~ Because u have a family, then logically u must have a wife. Yes, I do have a wife. And because u have a wife, then logic tells me u must be Heteros*xual. Yes I am heteros*xual. That's amazing, u were able 2 find out all off that because I have a lawnmower. Excited 2 take the class now, Jim shakes the Dean's hand & leaves 2 go meet Bob at the bar. He tells Bob about his classes, how he has signed up for Math, English, History & Logic. Logic? Bob says, What's that? I'll show u, says Jim. Do u have a lawnmower? No Then you're gay ..., *
oubaas 4.11.09 - 08:45pm
Friendship between Women: A woman didn't come home one night. The next day she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew about it. Friendship between Men:A man didn't come home one night. The next day he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends. Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over, and two claimed that he was still there! *
oubaas 7.03.10 - 06:10pm
Tiger Woods while playing in an important golf tournament receives a cellphone call. Tiger: Hello. Caller in an excited voice: Tiger darling, I am expecting your baby! Tiger: Who is speaking? *
oubaas 13.03.10 - 11:43am
Inbreker in donkervertrek hoor n stem,;jesus is watching u! Inbreker: who's that, stem .moses! Inbreker skyn flits in die rigting vd stem en sien n paqqegaai! Haha lag hy, what kind of people named u moses? Ah the same people that call their 70kg rotweiler JESUS!
*
oubaas 16.03.10 - 03:22pm
Gatiep le in die hospitaal na 'n ernstige ongeluk. Hy vra vir die dokter: Sal ek darem kan kitaar speel? Ja se die dokter. Dis fantasties se Gatiep, want ek kon nog nooit nie!
*
oubaas 18.03.10 - 04:48pm
Gatiep kyk vir oulaas na die oorskot van sy pel en se; Ja jy hettie mos innie hemel geglo nie, en okkie innie hel geglo nie. En hier le jy nou all dressed up and nowhere to go!
*
oubaas 19.03.10 - 10:17am
2 Blondes gesels. 1ste blondie: ek het gegaan vir 'n swngerskap toets. 2de blondie: Was die vrae moeilik? *
oubaas 19.03.10 - 10:26am
Die blondine stap by die winkel in en se sy soek gordyne vir haar rekenaar. Verkoopsman: Jy kry nie gordyne vir rekenaars nie. Blondine: Helloooooooooo....... ek het dan Windows...!!! *
oubaas 19.03.10 - 10:42am
Juffrou vra vir Gatiep: 'Jou ma het 4 aartappels, julle is 9 kinders, hoeveelaartappels gaan elkeen kry?' Gatiep: 'My ma's nie stupid nie, sy maak mash!' *
oubaas 19.03.10 - 10:54am
Dis oorlog en 'n man en sy vrou hardloop uit. Sy vrou skreeu: My valstande is nog daar binne! Haar man se, te hel met die tande, hulle gooi bomme, nie toebroodjies nie! *
oubaas 19.03.10 - 10:56am
Een blond aan ander: Sjoe, die kragonderbreking was erg! Ek het 2 ure in hysbak vasgesit. Ander blond: Dis nog niks, ek het 6 ure op die roltrap gestaan. *
oubaas 19.03.10 - 10:57am
Ma se vir haar seuntjie wat nie sy pampoen wil eet nie: Wag maar, vannag kom die duiwel jou haal! Daardie nag begin dit vreeslik reen. Die donderweer dreun en weerligstrale klief deur die lug. Ma raak bekommerd en wil by haar seuntjie gaan sit tot die weer opklaar.Tot haar verbasing is hy nie in sy kamer nie. Sy kry hom voor 'n oop yskasdeur besig om pampoen te eet. Kort-kort prewel hy: So 'n hengse lawaai en dit oor 'n bietjie pampoen! *
oubaas 19.03.10 - 11:02am
Vraag: Hoekom salueer Van der Merwe sy yskas? Antwoord: Dit is 'n General Electric! *
oubaas 19.03.10 - 11:03am
, Vraag: Hoekom neem Kubaanse atlete nie aan roei-items deel nie? Antwoord: Alle Kubane wat kan roei woon reeds in Amerika. *
oubaas 19.03.10 - 11:09am
'n Ma was besig om pannekoek te bak vir haar seuns Kevin (5) en Riaan(3). Die seuns het begin stry oor wie die eerste pannekoek kry en ma sien toe die geleentheid vir 'n lewenslessie. As Jesus nou hier was sou hy gese het 'Laat my broer die eerste pannekoek vat - ek kan wag Kevin draai na sy boetie toe en se Riaan - jy kan vandag Jesus wees *
oubaas 19.03.10 - 11:28am
Daar is twee mens gemaakte items wat uit die buitenste ruimte waargeneem kan word. Die grootste een is die groot muur van China en met 'n kortkoppie in die tweede plek is die gaping in die Sharks se verdediging. *
oubaas 19.03.10 - 11:29am
n Man loop in by 'n tandarts en se, Kan jy my help asseblief? Ek di*nk ek is 'n mot? Jy het nie 'n tandarts nodig nie., se die tandarts, Jy het 'n sielkundige nodig. Ek weet! se die man. Nou hoekom het jy hier ingestap? vra die tandarts. Die lig was aan!, se die man. *
oubaas 19.03.10 - 11:43am
Gesprek tussen Gatiep en Gammat laas week in Kaapstad: Dja Broe, die niewe S.A. es darem nie so sleg. Nie, Die petrol gaatOP ... Die brood gaat OP ... maar die krag gaat darem AF *
oubaas 19.03.10 - 11:45am
Oom Gert en oom Jan sit een aan in die Spur en eet gedurendet die ouetehuis se maandelikse uitstappie. Skielik is die krag uit weens Eksdom load shedding. Sjoe Gert reken oom Jan, daar groet my anner oog ook nou net *
oubaas 19.03.10 - 12:18pm
Gehoor van die blonde laaitie wat by sy meisie se huis gaan kuier het. Daar breek 'n kwaai storm uit en haar Pa se vir hom hy sal maar moet oorslaap want die outjie sal dit nooit huistoe maak in die storm nie. Baie opgewonde verdwyn die laaitie en na so 20 minute daag hy daar op - sopnat. Die Pa vra maar wat gaat nou aan - Nee oom ek het net gou my pajamas by die huis gaan haal. *
oubaas 19.03.10 - 12:25pm
'n Vlooi hardloop by 'n kroeg in, slaan 5 dubbel whisky's weg, hardloop uit, spring in die lug, slaat op sy bek neer, staan op en skree: Ag demmit! My hond is gesteel!! *
oubaas 19.03.10 - 12:29pm
Mans is soos rooi wyn. Hoe ouer, hoe beter. Vroue is soos melk, eers word hulle suur en dan word hulle dik! *
oubaas 19.03.10 - 12:34pm
Blond bel die brandweer en se haar huis is aan die brand. Die man vra: Ok hoe kom ons by jou uit? Sy se: Hallooo!! Met die groot rooi lorrie! *
oubaas 19.03.10 - 12:45pm
'n Seuntjie kom die huis binne terwyl hy droewig huil en sy agterstewe vryf. Wat's fout boetie? vra sy ma besorgd. Pappa het sy duim met die hamer raakgeslaan verduidelik die seuntjie al snikkend. Dis nie iets om oor te huil nie - probeer ma troos - Jy moet daaroor lag. Met 'n bewende stemmetjie antwoord die knaap Ek het! *
oubaas 19.03.10 - 12:47pm
Drie knapies word in die dieretuin vasgetrek omdat hulle droogmaak. Die beampte sleep hulle na die hoof veldwagter wat met 'n baie nors stem vir die eerste outjie vra. Wie's jy en wat het jy gemaak? Ewe onskuldig ontwoord hy: My naam is Chris en ons het peanuts in die olifant se hok gegooi. Die tweede outjie voeg by: My naam is Piet en soos Chris gese het, ons het peanuts in die olifant se hok gegooi. En jy? wil hy van die derde outjie hoor. Deurmekaar en duidelik verskrik, antwoord hy: My naam is Jannie, maar my vriende noem my Peanuts! *
oubaas 19.03.10 - 12:50pm
Die juffrou spandeer die hele periode om magnete aan haar klas te verduidelik in die natuurwetenskap klas. Sy wys hoe magnete spykers optel en wat dit doen met ystervylsels. Toe dit uiteindelik vraetyd is, se sy: My naam begin met 'n 'M' en ek tel allerhande goed op - Wat is ek? Sonder om te aarsel se klein Jannie: Juffrou is 'n Ma! *
oubaas 19.03.10 - 12:51pm
, Die onderwyseres bespreek bloedsomloop met die kinders. As ek nou op my kop sou staan, sal die bloed in my kop inloop en ek sal rooi word in my gesig. Is dit so? Ja , juffrou antwoord die klas. Nou wie kan vir my se hoekom hardloop die bloed nie in my voete in as ek regop staan nie? Klein Jannie skree agter uit die klas uit Omdat juffrou se voete nie leeg is nie! *
oubaas 19.03.10 - 12:53pm
'n Dogtertjie gesels met haar juffrou oor walvisse. Die onderwyseres vertel dat dit fisies onmoontlik vir 'n walvis is om mense in te sluk omdat sy keelgat te klein is. Maar juffrou, se die dogtertjie -. . .'n walvis het dan vir Jona ingesluk en weer later uitgespoeg! Dis sommer 'n storie! se juffrou - Walvisse kan dit nie doen nie! Wanneer ek in die hemel kom, gaan ek vir Jona vra se die dogtertjie. En as Jona nou in die hel is? wil juffrou weet. Dan... se die dogter ... moet juffrou hom maar vra! *
oubaas 19.03.10 - 12:56pm
Die juffrou vra: Klas, se vir my wat gee hoenders? Marietjie antwoord: Eiers juffrou Nou wie kan vir my se wat gee boerbokke? Sannie sr Bokmelk juffrou En wat gee 'n koei ons? Jannie antwoord Wiskunde en huiswerk juffrou! *
oubaas 19.03.10 - 01:23pm
Die hele aand lank is die klant in die restaurant besonder veeleisend en die kelner moet net draf. Skielik hoor die kelner 'n harde slag en die man wuif hom nader. Kelner, se die man, daar le my eier nou op die vloer. Wat moet ek nou doen? Kekkel, meneer, kekkel! *
oubaas 19.03.10 - 01:27pm
Gehoor ou Oubaas het Flinkdink verloor? Hy't gedink Warmbad is Zola Budd se suster. *
oubaas 19.03.10 - 01:30pm
Koos klim op die trein met sy hond en gaan sit naby 'n welgeklede dame. Toe die basterbrak verveeld begin raak, begin hy krap dat dit 'n naarheid is, en die dame se vererg: Vat jou hond weg, ek kan al voel hoe die vlooie op my ronddans! Haai Boesman, kom le hier, die antie het vlooie. *
oubaas 20.03.10 - 07:12am
A Famous Speaker Said: Best Years of My Life were spent in the Arms of a Woman who wasn't MY WIFE! Audience was in Shock & Silence. He added: SHE WAS MY MOTHER. Applause! A Top Manager tried to crack this at Home. After 2 Drinks, he said loudly to His Wife, in Kitchen: Best Years of My Life were spent in the Arms of a Woman who wasn't my Wife! Standing for a Moment trying to recall the 2nd Half, he finally blurted out: I can't remember who She was. By the time he regained his Senses, he was on a Hospital Bed, recovering from Burns of Boiling Water. Moral: DON'T COPY IF YOU CAN'T PASTE! *
oubaas 20.03.10 - 07:27am
Wife hit her husband with frying pan Husband: What was that for...? Wife: I found a paper in your pocket with the name Jenny on it. Husband: I took part in a race last week and Jenny was the name of my horse. Wife: Sorry..! Next day wife hit him with the frying pan again Husband: What now..? Wife: Your horse is on the Phone. *
oubaas 20.03.10 - 07:32am
A woman walked into her kitchen to find her husband Stalking around with a fly-swatter. 'What are you doing?' she asked. 'Hunting Flies' he responded. 'Oh! Killing any?' she asked. 'Yep, 3 Males, 2 Females,' he replied. Intrigued, she asked: 'How can you tell them apart?' He responded: '3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone.....' *
oubaas 20.03.10 - 07:35am
Eight-year-old Nina brought her report card home from school. Her marks were good...mostly A's and a couple of B's. However, her teacher had written across the bottom: Nina is a smart little girl, but she has one fault. She talks too much in school. I have an idea I am going to try, which I think may break her of the habit. Nina's dad signed her report card, putting a note on the back: Please let me know if your idea works on Nina because I would like to try it out on her mother.!!! *
oubaas 20.03.10 - 07:37am
A man was in his garden mowing the lawn when his blonde neighbour came out went to her mailbox closed it and went back in the house. A few mins later she came out again. This time she slammed the mailbox closed and stormed back into the house. This happened a few times with the woman getting angrier each time. Wondering whats wrong he asked her what the problem was. She replied that her pc kept saying she had mail but the mailbox was empty. *
oubaas 22.03.10 - 08:52am
Satan vists the church
One bright, beautiful Sunday morning, everyone in tiny Jonestown wakes up early and goes to their local church. Before the service starts, the townspeople sit in their pews and talk about their lives and their families.
Suddenly, at the altar, Satan appears!! Everyone starts screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in their determined efforts to get away from Evil Incarnate. Soon, everyone is evacuated from the church except for one man, who sit calmly in his pew, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy is in his presence. This confuses Satan a bit. Satan walks up to the man and says, Hey, don't you know who I am? The man says, Yep, sure do.
Satan says, Well, aren't you afraid of me? The man says, Nope, sure ain't.
Satan, perturbed, says, And why aren't you afraid of me? The man says, Well, I've been married to your sister for 25 years.
*
oubaas 22.03.10 - 08:53am
Do you go to church?
A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands. He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside.
The Pastor said to him, You need to join the Army of the Lord!
My friend replied, I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor.
Pastor questioned, How come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?
He whispered back, I'm in the secret service.
*
