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Subject: COOL JOKES/GRAPKAS ('',)
Replies: 393 Views: 31992
oubaas 24.01.08 - 12:07pm
Pos al julle grappe hier asb. Afrikaanse grappe, Engelse Gappe. Als is welkom. Hou dit net skoon asb.
Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her
mother, Why is the bride dressed in white? Because white is the color
of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life. The child
thought about this for a moment, then said, So why is the groom wearing
black?
*
oubaas 24.01.08 - 12:09pm
A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she could, trying not to be late for Bible class. As she ran she prayed,
Dear Lord, please don't let me be late! Dear Lord, please don't let me
be late! While she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and fell, getting her clothes dirty and tearing her dress. She got up,
brushed herself off, and started running again. As she ran she once
again began to pray, Dear Lord, please don't let me be late...But
please don't shove me either!
*
oubaas 24.01.08 - 12:10pm
Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it
a poem, they give him 50. The second boy says, That's nothing. My Dad
scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give
him 100. The third boy says, I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a
few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon. And it takes eight
people to collect all the money!
*
oubaas 24.01.08 - 12:11pm
An elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she requested no male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions for her memorial
service, she wrote, They wouldn't take me out while I was alive, I don't want them to take me out when I'm dead.
*
oubaas 24.01.08 - 12:13pm
Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus
with them to Jerusalem. A small child replied: They couldn't get a baby
sitter. *
oubaas 24.01.08 - 12:14pm
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to honor thy
father and thy mother, she asked Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters? Without missing a beat one little boy answered, Thou shall not kill.
*
oubaas 24.01.08 - 12:16pm
At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything,
including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs. Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and said, Johnny, what is the matter? Little Johnny replied, I have pain in
my side. I think I'm going to have a wife. *
oubaas 24.01.08 - 12:18pm
Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after hearing a strong preaching on the devil. One said to the other, What do you think about all this Satan stuff? The other boy replied, Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out. It's probably just your dad. *
oubaas 24.01.08 - 12:19pm
A police recruit was asked during the exam, What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother-in-law? He said, Call for backup. *
oubaas 24.01.08 - 12:21pm
Oubaas: So by my koolkop my nartjiepit, ek lees nou net hulle het die plek gekry waar vrouens vandaan kom. Hilda: Rerig Oubaas? Waar is dit? Oubaas: Fattis en Monis. *
oubaas 24.01.08 - 12:23pm
Die platgeslane Oubaas is heavy depressed en besluit om sy berader te gaan sien. Oubaas: Ek wil van Hilda skei. Berader: Hoekom broer? Oubaas: Sy het seker 'n jaar laas met my gepraat. Berader: Jy moet tweekeer dink. Sulke vrouens is dem skaars. *
oubaas 24.01.08 - 12:25pm
A tired Oubaas came home from work one evening and there was his wife Hilda in the kitchen crying out loud. What's the matter, darling? Oubaas asked her. I just don't know what to do, said Hilda. Because we were eating in for a change, I cooked us a special dinner - but the dog has just eaten it. Don't worry, said Oubaas, I'll get us another dog. *
oubaas 24.01.08 - 12:27pm
Een jaar is Oubaas en Hilda op 'n sakevakansie oorsee en kry email van hul prokureur wat lees: Skoonma, oorlede. Ons wag vir u instruksies. Oubaas antwoord terug: Ek het geen instruksies nie. Prokureur antwoord: Ek bedoel moet ons haar begrawe, veras of balsem? Oubaas antwoord: Moenie kanse waag nie, doen al drie! *
oubaas 24.01.08 - 12:28pm
Oubaas en Hilda toer in die woestyn. Hul 4X4 gee die gees. Oubaas het 'n radio by hom. Oubaas se: My patatskil hul se dit gaan vandag 45 grade hier in die koelte wees. Hilda: Genade, Oubaas, maar dis darem baie warm! Gelukkig is hier nie bome nie! *
oubaas 25.01.08 - 07:59am
'n Padda is 'n ding wat spring . . . . . 
An American woman found a tiny frog nestled comfortably in the leaves of organic lettuce she was preparing to eat. Intrigued, she named the frog Curious. Brechbuhler, a stage actress, said she bought the lettuce at her local food co-op and kept it in the refrigerator three days before using it last week. Brechbuhler and her seven-year-old daughter, Orla, placed the frog in a jar on a bed of lettuce leaves and water. They decided Curious would be happier at an animal facility specialising in reptiles and amphibians. The facility, Sean Casey Animal Rescue, has put it up for adoption.
kwaak kwaak kwaak 
*
oubaas 25.01.08 - 12:25pm
Gatiep and Karools are sitting on death row. Gatiep says to the Warder, does this take long and is it painfull? Warder say's no they just strap you in and flick the switch and its over.
Karools is called in, moments later Gatiep hears screeming shouting and this carries on for quite a while.
Gatiep says to the Warder I thought you said it was quick and painless.
Warder replies that as result of the load shedding they have to use candles.
*
oubaas 28.01.08 - 11:52am
There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman:
Before marriage and after marriage.
*
oubaas 28.01.08 - 11:53am
An old man goes to the Pope to ask him if he can
remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.
The Wizard says, Maybe, but you will have to tell me
the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.
The old man says without hesitation,
I now pro nounce you man and wife.
*
oubaas 28.01.08 - 11:54am
Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
*
oubaas 28.01.08 - 11:56am
John was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully. Give me one last request, dear, he said. Of course, John, his wife said softly. Six months after I die, he said, I want you to marry Bob. But I thought you hated Bob, she said. With his last breath John said, I do! *
oubaas 29.01.08 - 08:16am
NOTICE FROM EISHKOM:
In a drive to save on electricity consumption, the light at the end of the tunnel has been switched off till further notice.
Kindly postpone all hopes and dreams...
We apologize for any inconvenience caused.
Kind regards,
Eskom Management *
oubaas 29.01.08 - 07:34pm
Ek hoor hul gaan valskerm spring verbied op Sondae ini Vrystaat, want nix maak daar op Sondae oop nie. 
*
oubaas 29.01.08 - 07:43pm
Di Stormer rugbyspan wil blykbaar ni meer op Saterdae rugby speel ni want dan kry hul pak . . . . *
oubaas 30.01.08 - 06:02am
SPEEDCOP TREK VIR GATIEP AF EN VRA MENEER, BESEF JY WATSE GROOT BOETE JY KAN KRY VIR JOU EEN HOOFLIG WAT NIE WERK NIE??? NAAY SE GATIEP, EK LOADSHED, EK GAN NOU NOU DIE ANDER EEN AAN SIT. *
moenie 30.01.08 - 09:04am
A Department of Agriculture representative stopped at a farm and talked with an old Afrikaans farmer. He told the farmer, 'I need to inspect your farm.' The old Afrikaner said, 'OK Boet, but doesn't goes in that field over there.'
The Agriculture representative said, 'Mister, I have the authority of the Government with me. See this card? The card means I am allowed to go WHEREVER I WISH on any agricultural land. No questions asked or answered. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?'
The old farmer nodded politely and went about his farm c s. Later, the old farmer heard loud screams and saw the Agriculture Rep running for the fence and close behind was the farmer's huge-horned prize bull. The bull was gaining on the Agriculture Rep with every step. The Rep was clearly terrified, so the old farmer immediately threw down his tools, ran to the fence and shouted out.....
'Your card! Your card, Boet! Shows him your card!'
*
moenie 30.01.08 - 09:06am
I usually don't pass along these add your name lists, but this one is too important.
To show your support for Jacob Zuma and encourage him on his run for President,
please add your name to the rapidly growing list below and send it on.
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1.Winnie
2.Winnie *
moenie 30.01.08 - 09:09am
Graad 5 Afrikaans Eksamen
*****************************************************
1. Waarvoor word beesvelle gebruik?
om die bees binne te hou
2. Wat is outobiografie?
dis die ontstaan en geskiedenis van die motorkar
3. Noem 5 dinge wat melk bevat?
kaas, botter en 3 koeie
4 . Wat is die verlede tyd van eet?
Honger
5. Wat is die verkleinwoord van Oupa?
Kleinseun
6. Wat is die teenoorgestelde van kleinneef?
kleinteef
7. Wat is die doel van die kies- en oogtande?
die kiestande kou die kos en die oogtande kyk dat hulle die kouwerk
goed doen.
8. Voltooi die volgende idioom: Hoe meer haas...
hoe groter haaspastei
9. Wat is die meervoud van kabeljou?
kabeljulle
10. 'n Sin met 'ter aarde bestel...'
'Wie op ter aarde bestel so 'n groot koek?'
11. Formule vir 'n sirkel se omtrek:
'paai straal kordaat'
12. Wat is teenoorstaande hoeke?
Hoeke wat vir mekaar kyk
13. Waarom is die seun in die verhaal gestraf?
Omdat hy sy eie virgin van die volkslied gesing het.
14 . Wat is 'n terminale siekte?
As jy op die lughawe siek word!
15 . Vertaal in Afrikaans: 'I beg your pardon?' (My favorite)
HuH?
16 . Wat noem ons iemand wat velle looi?
Onderwyser
17. Wat kry jy as jy jou melktande wissel?
Pepermenttande
*
oubaas 30.01.08 - 09:21am
Nee man Boet moet hom net sy payslip wys dan sien jy hoe lag daai bul hom vrek. 
*
oubaas 30.01.08 - 09:42am
Bababeer sit in sy klein stoeltjie by die tafel, en kyk na sy klein papbordjie. . . . . .
Wie't my pappies geet? vra hy. . . .
Pappabeer kyk na sy groot papbord. . . .
Wie de duiwel het my pap geeet? vra hy . . . .
Mammabeer se kop verskyn om die kombuisdeur. . . . . . .
EK HET NOG NIE DIE PAP GEMAAK NIE WANT .......
DIE KRAG IS AF!!!
*
moenie 30.01.08 - 02:54pm
Hahahahahahhaa....verwys pappa beer en baba beer na EISHKOM!!! *
oubaas 30.01.08 - 04:23pm
Eish ja dis nou omtrent vir jou 'n klomp BULL! *
6j0 1.02.08 - 02:12pm 
OE! NOU DEM LEKKE GELAG! Hahahaha! EISH!
Klein Jannie sit in di kerk en di is winter.
Hy vryf sy handjies teen mekaar, ma di wil ni warm word.
Hy sien voor hom is n tannie.
Mmmm di*nk hy, hy staan op en hou sy hande bo die tannie se ROOI hare. EISH! *
oubaas 1.02.08 - 02:41pm
Johan jy mut pasop! Hier kom baie rooikoppe! 
*
6j0 2.02.08 - 07:50am
Die 2 dronk ouens ry in die kar.
Die 1 in die passasiers kant hang by die venster uit.
Hy s vi di ander een.
Hy sjjy! Ry biesshie djaai kant toe, jy issh amper op djjie randsteen.
Ander 1 s, HUH! Ek djog tjjy bestuur die heeltyd. 
EISH! *
oubaas 2.02.08 - 08:07am
Hmmm ek wou mos se da is fout 
*
moenie 6.02.08 - 05:09am
Los maar die rooikoppe uit dankie!! Blonds is baie snaakser...We blonds at the ofise are tired of all the the dum stoopid jokes about us. We think this is hairassment. It causes us grate stress and makes our roots turn dark. We have hired a loyer and he is talking to the loyers at Clairol. We will take this all the way to the supream cort if we have two. Juj Thomas knos all about hairassment and he will be on are side.
We have also talked to the govner to make a new law to stop this pursicushun. We want a law that makes peepol tell brewnet jokes as much as blond jokes and every so often a red head joke. If we don't get our way we will not date anybody that ain't blond and we will make up jokes about you and we will laff.
Sined by the blonds at the ofise.
We we we we .......LOL *
oubaas 6.02.08 - 05:13am
Oh! Oh! trabbels! 
*
moenie 6.02.08 - 05:32am
Trabbles van waar af? *
oubaas 6.02.08 - 05:38am
Danki tog jy's blonde . . . . *
moenie 6.02.08 - 05:48am
Moet nou nie laf raak nie...ek ISSIE blond nie!!! Ek is 'n amper rooikop, nou nie so rooi dat klein seuntjies hulle hande kan warm maak op my hare nie, maar rooi! *
oubaas 6.02.08 - 05:50am
O my! 
Dis nog erger *
moenie 6.02.08 - 05:52am
Hey wena! Iemand help die man tog reg, asseblief? *
oubaas 6.02.08 - 05:58am
*
moenie 6.02.08 - 06:02am
Ok prof, hoe kry jy die prentjies gepost?! *
oubaas 6.02.08 - 06:04am
As jy my 'n roomys gee sal ek jou se hoe . . . . . 
*
moenie 6.02.08 - 06:08am
Hier is vir jou dan 'n Mega-Death by chocolate! Se nou toe! *
oubaas 6.02.08 - 06:10am
Baie baie danki . . . . . . .
*
moenie 6.02.08 - 06:13am
Haai, dis 'n lekker roomys daai, het jy nog nie een geeet nie..gmf...jy moenie nou nie soos 'n taxi bestuurder raak nie hoor! *
moenie 6.02.08 - 06:18am
Dankie,dankie,dankie,dankie,dankie............!!!!! *
oubaas 6.02.08 - 06:23am
My plasier! My plasier! My plasier! My plasier! Moet net ni di*nk jy kan my misbruik nie ne? 
*
moenie 7.02.08 - 06:42am
Gedagte vir die dag: Julle mense wat di*nk julle weet alles, maak ons mense
wat alles weet die duiwel in!
*
